the risky situation and navigate with God towards the potential greater outcome. This leads into why I am a Salt Lake Fellow walking in courage.
Throughout the past several years I have been dealt with circumstances that have molded me into a home body. I have been given the best family, and I want us to walk around in a danger, grief, and disease-free bubble. As I mentioned above, we cannot control whether or not we are completely freed from those heartbreaking outcomes. Not only have I been instilled with innate fear, but I have lived it out in a heartbreaking outcome. Every day presents a new battle, decision, etc. I’ve found it hard for my mind not to go to the worst case scenario. I think it’s a defense mechanism… in case it does happen then I have already mentally prepared myself for that letdown.
I have also found that navigating fear and uncertainty in that way is exhausting and essentially saying that I do not trust my Lord to give me the best plans imaginable. If, in those best plans, there’s still heartbreak, my distrust says I do not believe he will hold and comfort me like He has already done before. Therefore, when I encounter the small/mundane grip-holds of distrust, I need to reframe and trust that stepping into courage from the Lord will direct my best plans, regardless if letdowns and heartbreak are intertwined.
Fighting the enemy in the mundane reminds us that He is with us and for us in the small, so of course he is standing with His arms open for us in the big and inevitable trials. How freeing! With this freedom, I chose to apply across the country, away from my family and friends into 10 months of a looming question mark. Yet, I felt at peace. I know God gives this restless heart peace for a reason, and that is to remind me it is from HIM. I do not find peace on my own, I do not find comfort on my own-- I find it in the One who already fought for me so I do not have to tire at the countless unsuccessful attempts.
Lord, You have replaced unnecessary fear and instilled peace and trust which transforms this experience into one of growth. I’ve gained friends who love and champion me well while we navigate this new chapter together. I learned that trusting You allows me to trust myself, knowing that I do not have to carry all the unknowns-- I can enjoy life in peace and delight in Your comfort and sovereignty. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out into the unknown.
Salt Lake Fellows Collaborative