10 Things About Me
Back in March, I was accepted into the Salt Lake Fellows program. I was ecstatic at the acceptance email in March. Per my entire senior year being full of curveballs, I really enjoyed getting an ol’ fastball. After accepting my Fellows program later in March, I finally knew what I was doing for the next year.
Over the next 4 months, I continued to search for a job in Salt Lake City, graduated, worked on my Beyond Malibu trip, spent lots of quality time with friends, graduated and worked events over the summer. To say the least, the 4 months before moving to Salt Lake City was packed full of life: not trusting God, being proven wrong by God and growing so much in my faith. I wish that I could show you what those 4 months were like. Take you, to my school’s library where I applied for jobs and planned Beyond Malibu. Or take you to the taco meals I had hosted at my house. Maybe, take you to finding out I graduated college while working in Colorado Springs. Most of all, I wish that I could show you what Beyond Malibu was like and how close I got to those friends. We will never be able to truly show our current friends, moments without them, but we can try to do so with some words and pictures.
Pictured above are the friends that flew and drove across and out of the country with me. The trip changed my life forever, which is why I had to show a picture of my mountaineering friends.
My Fellows experience hasn’t exactly been what I expected. Well what did I expect? Hmm, I dunno.
I have struggled a lot with wanting to be in this new place. A place away from all of my friends in Maryland. A place where I don’t yet have multiple schools to pour into. A place where, thus far, I only really know Christians. Don’t get me wrong, Salt Lake City is incredible. The mountains are 25 minutes from my house and world class skiing is my backyard. Salt Lake City is the ultimate playground without having to sacrifice people and a career. However, I still struggle to find myself at home in this new place.
The question, “should I stay?” comes to my mind bi-weekly. I wish that this wasn’t true, but I struggle to stay in this place. In my attempt to be honest, I understand that I can't quite pinpoint the reasoning for my “lack of comfort here.” If I desire to be challenged then learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable should be on my agenda. Learning to be comfortable in this new place despite my discomfort should be the agenda.
At worship tonight, we talked briefly talked about Paul looking past his sufferings as his eyes were fixed on Christ. In my situation of missing home, I need to fix my eyes on Christ past this discomfort, because he is my king. I love him so much and I am learning he is all I need.
I have everything I thought I wanted, yet I can still feel empty. Mountains are close by. Job is a great opportunity. I have friends. But I still find myself empty handed. God has taught me a simple lesson: all I need is him. No job, nor mountain, will fulfill me, yet only God can. As I attempt to live this great story of trial and failure, I cannot forget that He is near. God is good and no matter how empty I am, he will never leave me.
In the midst of all this, I desire to love the people that God puts in my life, even if I desire to be somewhere else. It is the ultimate struggle: to love when it is hard.
Before I came to Salt Lake, I read the majority of last year’s blog posts from previous Salt Lake Fellows. John Wilson Booth is a Fellow from last year, who, in his second semester blog post, wrote about being lonely in a new city and the difficulties of adjusting to post-grad life. In his blog post he says:
“All of these ingredients have been combined into a dish I’ve never been served before, loneliness, and I’m eating it alone at an Applebee’s at 10 o’clock on a Saturday night.”
Adjusting to not having a million plus friends within an hour of me is a task a lot of post-grads go through. Over the past three and a half months, I may not have been at an Applebee’s on a Saturday night, but I have eaten the loneliness dish. Served in the form of a late-night workout or a random feeling of sadness, which all pulls me to have a greater desire to answer the “Should I stay?” question with a ‘no.’ Like I said earlier, if I desire to be challenged then how can I act on a ‘no’ answer. My desire to love others with a passion cannot shy away, because I desire to be somewhere else. That is why I need to be here as I attempt to cook, to listen, to work, to serve, to run, to hike up a peak with a friend, to ski and to love with all that I know. I am working through my failures to care for others around me as I have been learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Maryland got the perception of this goofball, who slacked around with school. Salt Lake has gotten this perception of the Googler (what Google employees are called), who has his career in order and is all business. The reality, I am just Peter. I am a strange person, who desires to love God and others with an intelligent, yet reckless pursuit. I desire to give back with the resources I have. I am a child of God, who seeks day by day to reconnect more and more with his Savior.
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