Instead of blogging about my time in Salt Lake, I have decided to write three poems reflecting various topics – namely spiritual presence, emotional awareness, and masculinity – which have challenged me greatly. I discovered these topics through personal curiosity and have addressed them through intentional conversation and outsourced wisdom. I am extremely thankful for the people who have weighed in on these topics and weathered my devil’s advocacy. My time in Salt Lake has been full of challenging what I thought I already understood and I’m realizing my selfishness, self-absorption, self-reliance, individualism, and false humility. I need others. I need depth. I need conversation. I need discomfort. I need the burden of community. I need grace. And this is only the beginning. Admission takes humility Contrition, Penitence, Confession take wisdom an experienced wisdom one unknown, other, revealed, received. One encounter, a blinding light, uncovers hidden grime Disgust subsides; light beckons Innocent and wise, complex and simple, meaningful and weighty. Wisdom reveals. Gazes shift. Until we see that which enables vision, we struggle to admit. Until we are aware of darkness, we can’t know its wisp. Light envelopes crippling shadows Yet admission takes humility, new vision, perspective, recognizing an inability to admit, an incomplete comprehension, honest self-awareness. These are the first steps. Hide though we may, light shows no partiality. It knows all. Transparent rays unveil true substance – Half-real souls, half-hearted intentions, Pale, ethereal clouds abstracted from our thinness we are ghosts. More solid than anything we know are these transparent rays. we are small. we are thin. we are weak. Blinding light painfully captivates darkness dwellers. Like us. Rarely awake, hardly sober, incapable of admitting we do not see ourselves. Admission takes humility. It is well but it is hard. It is well but there is room for mourning discomfort confusion feeling These are not negative emotions, but reminders of what we need revealing intentions desires prayers They conceal gratitude, obscure rest. But it is well. Nothing is whole yet Nothing is perfect yet It is well. Remind me of your steadfastness. Renew your gentle caress Acknowledge my fears. Speak your peace. I am not alone. It is well oh my soul It is well.
Justin Brendel
SLF Class of 18-19
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AuthorSalt Lake Fellows Collaborative Archives
November 2020
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