Poetry

Instead of blogging about my time in Salt Lake, I have decided to write three poems reflecting various topics – namely spiritual presence, emotional awareness, and masculinity – which have challenged me greatly. I discovered these topics through personal curiosity and have addressed them through intentional conversation and outsourced wisdom. I am extremely thankful for the people who have weighed in on these topics and weathered my devil’s advocacy. My time in Salt Lake has been full of challenging what I thought I already understood and I’m realizing my selfishness, self-absorption, self-reliance, individualism, and false humility. I need others. I need depth. I need conversation. I need discomfort. I need the burden of community. I need grace. And this is only the beginning. 

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​Admission takes humility
Contrition, Penitence, Confession take wisdom
an experienced wisdom
one unknown, other, revealed, received.
One encounter, a blinding light, uncovers hidden grime
Disgust subsides; light beckons
Innocent and wise, complex and simple, meaningful and weighty.
Wisdom reveals. Gazes shift.
Until we see that which enables vision, we struggle to admit.
Until we are aware of darkness, we can’t know its wisp.
Light envelopes crippling shadows
Yet admission takes humility, new vision, perspective,
recognizing an inability to admit, an incomplete comprehension,
honest self-awareness.
These are the first steps.
 
Hide though we may, light shows no partiality. It knows all.
Transparent rays unveil true substance –
Half-real souls, half-hearted intentions,
Pale, ethereal clouds abstracted from our thinness
we are ghosts.
More solid than anything we know
are these transparent rays.
we are small. we are thin. we are weak.
 
Blinding light painfully captivates darkness dwellers.
Like us.
Rarely awake, hardly sober, incapable of admitting
we do not see ourselves.
Admission takes humility.

---

​It is well
but it is hard.
It is well
but there is room for mourning
               discomfort
               confusion
               feeling
These are not negative emotions,
but reminders of what we need
revealing intentions
                                             desires
                                             prayers
                              They conceal gratitude, obscure rest. But
                                             it is well.
               Nothing is whole
                                             yet
               Nothing is perfect           
                                             yet
               It is well.
Remind me of your steadfastness.
Renew your gentle caress
Acknowledge my fears.
Speak your peace.
I am not alone.
It is well
               oh my soul
It is well.

---

Popeye
Samson
Atlas
Schwarzenegger
Be a man.
 
Handsome, strong, driven
Self-providing, self-sustaining
King, warrior, magician, lover
Domineering, providing
Be a man.
 
Work
Food
Couch
Sports
Be a man.
 
Unengaged, aloof, alone
Confused, emotionless, late
Hard, angry, reserved
Unrelatable, above
Be a man.

​Suit
Car
Money
Status
Be a man.
 
Suave, smooth, slimy
Capable, manipulative, logical
Demeaning, condescending, arrogant
Powerful, lustful
Be a man.
 
Controlling and uncontrollable
Be a man.
 
Reading and unreadable
Be a man.
 
Unheard and unhearing
Be a man.
 
We set standards no one can reach
Distribute scripts no one can read
 
The tragedy unfolds
as we act accordingly.

---

Justin Brendel
SLF Class of 18-19